Slamming the Incessant Miley Cyrus or Miley Stuart or Hannah Montana or Cap’n Crunch or whoever the hell she is for the next three seconds.

Now, it does seem unclear what I’m ranting about. Am I ranting about Miley herself, her show, her singing, what? Then let me come straight out and say it. It’s Disney live-action comedies in general that annoy me. How are they distinguished? For one, the obnoxious, overused laugh track that drowns out jokes that are funny only 5% of the time. Secondly, the pubescent dropkicks in the leading role, and thirdly, storylines that would make even the most prissy mama’s boy gag.

I am here to say it straight out: Disney live-action comedies are even less funny than a Shakesperian Tragedy. But where the latter is not trying to be funny, it’s very serious and quite beautiful when acted correctly, the former has comedy that even those over-censoring hacks at 4Kids scoffed at. And we are meant to learn something from these shows? I have learnt from Wizards of Waverly Place that it is not how hard you work and how much effort you put in, it’s how well you wing it. I’ve learnt from Sonny With A Chance that sub-par acting, worse writing and a perpetually chirpy attitude that makes you come across at all times as a crack-addicted woodpecker means a rocketship to showbusiness. And finally, I have learnt from Hannah Montana that you can escape any sort of trouble with a rhyming name, a blonde wig and a constant concious personality complex.

Where is the charm and wit of good ol’ Blackadder, eh? Why can’t these people cavort with the English language, bringing hilarity to the masses without being condescending, like a so-called Mr Stephen Fry? Why can’t these people show the lovable yet hugely funny characterization like such TV shows as Big Bang Theory and Seinfeld, or even such theatre shows like Little Shop of Horrors? I doubt there is a sane post-pubescent person on this earth who wouldn’t slap Miley, Alex and Sonny silly given the chance and then go after the writing staff with a chainsaw.

For those of you wondering, yes, these will be continuing, based off motivational pics I get off the net. Yipee.

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